The Profound Influence of Significant Others

Recently, I was reminded of a university professor of mine who lectured on the subject of the profound influence of significant others in our lives, sometimes from the least likely people. Certainly, we are impressed by someone’s high intelligence, or their profound lack of it; their positive first impression, or their complete absence of it; and a myriad of other characteristics that may or may not have been especially noteworthy to most people. These are subjective opinions, unique to every person.

Some time ago, in fact a long time ago, I came to realize that as we mature in life, the lens of our perspectives change. In fact, I wrote a blog about the change of lenses several months ago. As we age, we see things differently than we did in the past. It’s a large part of our physical and intellectual maturity, and most certainly far distant from the faintly remembered halcyon days of our childhood. In our youth, from the times of innocence and naïveté, almost anyone who is considerably older would qualify as significant; whether based upon our fear of them, being unjustly ostracized, possibly getting beaten by a bully, being just a few examples. Think of this. Other than the obvious influencers being our parents, how about our parents’ friends and neighbours? Were they influencers in your life, whether positively or negatively? Even more so, our teachers, both the good and the bad ones? How about the bus driver on a school bus full of young children still in their formative years, many of whom would become the influencers, no longer the influenced. Here is an example of one I remember reading about several years ago.

A little girl with the usual insecurities of any child, once heard her bus driver say that she was not very pretty. It was a hurtful thing to say, but there was likely no intent to hurt the child, it was just thoughtless. These baseless, ignorant comments are often directed to young children, perhaps because the bus driver had a bad day, or problems at home, whatever reason to lash out at someone who would dare not lash back. Nevertheless, it planted a seed that irreversibly affected her perception of herself. As she sat alone looking out the window right with embarrassment after hearing the comment, the afternoon sun at that specific time of day reflected
her image in the window. As she looked closely at her own reflection, she saw what she perceived as being ‘not very pretty’. That singular moment drastically altered her life, convincing herself that others must think the same as the bus driver.

Twelve years later, the same young child, then about 17 years old, was being treated by a
psychiatrist (my professor) for depression, self-mutilation and suicidal tendencies. He determined the root of her self-loathing traced back to the ignorant bus driver’s thoughtless comment when she was only five years of age.
Just two days ago, a beautiful 13 year old girl of Mexican heritage, living in Texas, was continually tormented by the kids at school who berated her about her parents being sent back to Mexico as illegal aliens. They repeatedly told her she would become a homeless orphan living on the street. She took her own life only a few days later.

In Chapter eight of Tracks Of Our Tears, the sequel to From Promise To Peril, Julia becomes a thirteen year old orphan of war after the genocide of her Polish village by the Russians, just a few miles inside the border of Poland in October 1940. Her poor but happy childhood was ripped away from her, as were her entire family. Tragically, the Russians were the influencers in her life. As her struggle to survive against the perils of Mother Nature continues, constantly cycling again and again from her desperate need for food, alternating from her desperation to find shelter and warmth, to her inevitable need for sleep, the cycle continually turns. Her story is horrific, spiritual, transformational...and totally inspiring. When measured against hurtful feelings, cruel criticism and lost self-confidence, it may seem of less consequence to Julia’s situation, however we must remain mindful in our own lives that the result is often no less tragic.
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Everyone says something stupid now and then, and while some make a profession out of it, the
vast majority should realize that in some ways, many others are significantly influenced
positively or negatively by our actions, our deeds and our words. Let’s all just try to do better.